Story and Script by Bryan Cavalier
PAGE 1, PANEL 1.
INT. The inside of a tavern. Lots of fantasy creatures like orcs, goblins, dwarves, elves and humans are enjoying drinks as a group of four bar patrons are eating dinner.
The bar patrons are an orc paladin named VALGAR with an absurdly massive sword on his back, a goblin steam punk wizard named CLICK with his automaton tea cup spider CLACK, a human barbarian with a striking resemblance to Tommy Wiseau from “The Room” all buff and shirtless with the exception of a tie around his neck named TOE-MAY WU-SOW and a relaxed punk-ranger Harpy with a pixie cut named MOKO, with her two monkeys BIMMY and JIMMY on her shoulders. BIMMY and JIMMY are holding the cards for her while she reclines in her seat.
VALGAR
And then my sword boomeranged back to me and I punched the cult leader into my oncoming blade of Justice! True story!
PAGE 1, PANEL 2.
VALGAR looks upon his peers excitedly with his mouth in a big wide smile on his lime green face revealing his large, tusk like, canines in his mouth as he looks upon his peers for approval.
PAGE 1, PANEL 3.
CLICK rolls his eyes, as if he’s head this kind of story from VALGAR too many times. MOKO tries to give a thumbs up with her weird neon purple feathered bird wing hands while BIMMY feeds her a grape from a bunch while JIMMY stuffs his mouth with five of them. TOE-MAY WU-SOW laughs hardily with his big meaty hands behind his head.
TOE-MAY WU-SOW
Ah-ha ha. What a story Valgar.
PAGE 1, PANEL 4.
VALGAR looks disappointed at his friends reception to his tale of glory as CLACK skitters to him.
VALGAR
Oh come on! It was a great story! I saved the orphanage and stopped the end of the world single handedly. I thought you guys loved my tales of grandeur.
PAGE 1, PANEL 5.
CLACK looks up at VALGAR as VALGAR looks down at the small clockwork wonder.
CLACK
Would you like some tea?
VALGAR
No thanks. I’m good.
PAGE 2, PANEL 1
CLICK holds his tea on the table and with a board expression on his face.
CLICK
Look Valgar, it’s not that it wasn’t impressive, it’s that you do things like this every, single week. It’s kind of like me explaining me writing my elaborate essays on…
PAGE 2, PANEL 2
VALGAR glairs at CLICK with a board expression as CLACK walks back to CLICK.
VALGAR
No one here cares about your boring essays you write for your crusty ass boss.
PAGE 2, PANEL 3
CLACK pours tea into CLICK’S cup as he glairs at VALGAR annoyed.
CLICK
Exactly. All you do is talk about your job, which can get rather dull from time to time to listen to.
PAGE 2, PANEL 4
MOKO extends her feathered arm outward as both BIMMY and JIMMY are eating grapes. CLICK sips his tea as she speaks.
MOKO
It’s not that I’m not impressed, it’s that all I did this week was dance as tavern entertainment while Bimmy and Jimmy preformed tricks. Nothing special.
PAGE 2, PANEL 5
VALGAR looks at his friends completely flabbergasted that he has impressed none of them with the exception of TOE-MAY WU-SOW who he is desperately looking to for reassurance. CLACK refills CLICK’S cup.
VALGAR
Toe-may, please tell me that you’re still genuinely enjoyed my grand tales. Tell me I’m not boring to people.
PAGE 2, PANEL 6
TOE-MAY WU-SOW puts his hands behind his head and gives a hardy laugh.
TOE-MAY WU-SOW
Ah-ha ha, what a story Valgar.
PAGE 3, PANEL 1
VALGAR Slams his fist on the table cheerfully as TOE-MAY WU-SOW keeps his pleased expression while CLICK, MOKO, BIMMY and JIMMY look on unimpressed. CLACK stops pouring tea for CLICK.
VALGAR
See! TOE-MAY still appreciates me! Thank you!
PAGE 3, PANEL 2
CLICK holds the tea close to his nose and glairs very unimpressed.
CLICK
Valgar, Toe-may says that whenever anyone tells a story.
PAGE 3, PANEL 3
VALGAR looks down sadly at his plate.
VALGAR
Oh yeah.
PAGE 3, PANEL 4
VALGAR continues to look down sadly as CLICK begins to take a big chug of tea. MOKO just keeps reclining as BIMMY and JIMMY sit casually. TOE-MAY WU-SOW looks on blankly.
PAGE 3, PANEL 5
TOE-MAY WU-SOW looks on casually and opens his mouth casually.
TOE-MAY WU-SOW
Anyway, how is your sex life.
PAGE 3, PANEL 6
VALGAR looks up arms extended and looks completely side lined emotionally. CLICK falls out of his seat and spits tea out of his mouth from sheer shock as CLACK sits still. BIMMY and JIMMY start snickering as MOKO extends a feather rather casually. TOE-MAY WU-SOW’s face remains unchanged from it’s deadpan expression of dullness.
VALGAR
The hell kind of conversation Segway is that!?!
CLACK
That is socially inappropriate.
MOKO
Eh, been better.